Job application

This is an actual¹ job application² a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida.. And they hired³ him because he was so honest and funny!
 
Name: Greg Bulmash
Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever is available. If I was in a position to be picky⁴, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Desired salary: $185,000 a year. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle⁵.
Education: Yes.
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
May we contact your current employer?: If I had one, would I be here?
Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy⁶ dumb⁷ sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.